Sleeping is cheating

I’ve not had a proper nights sleep for 16 months.

Well I think its been 16 months.

I’ve lost track.

I should’ve done a tally by marking the tree wallpaper with a sharpie pen.

Every night without fail my baby wakes me up.

I’ve worked out on average. I roughly get about an hours sleep.

I’ve got work in the morning.

I’ll spend my day functioning on auto pilot.

Some days I don’t remember a thing about my shift.

I’ll start.

Then I’ll leave.

In between its all a blur.

She carries on giggling and laughing.

I could swear she’s goading me. 

I love my child. But for fucks sake go to sleep you little cunt

We live in a one bedroom flat.

In hindsight before me and my girlfriend even contemplated about having a sprog of our own we should’ve sold up and moved. 

I need this little fucker of joy to zip it and go to sleep.

The only way in which she will cease is if I grab her by her tiny leg, swing and smash her head against the wall until she no longer makes a noise.

Suppose I could smother her with the blanket that she has become accustomed to.

Or I could strap her in her pram and take her for a walk and leave her to freeze in the dead of night

There’s a full box of co-codamol somewhere.  That I bought because I’ve been suffering with a stiff neck. They help to take a slight fraction of the ache away.

By the way they’re for me the not my baby. I’m not a complete lunatic. 

Considering downing the entire box with a bottle of whisky. In the hope that my heart will stop beating from being submerged from this early hour cocktail.

I need sleep. I could sleep for days. No weeks. Scrap that months, years.

This is torture.

The only light at the end of this never ending tunnel is that of the morning Sun light that creeps through the vertical blinds.

This informs me that another night has passed. Once again without much sleep. And now she sleeps.

Non parents are annoying

Non Parents AKA your parents, siblings or close friends.

Most of the time they seem to get more attention from your child than you will.

When Tilly and my good lady got to know one another and began interacting. Not gonna lie, I was proper pissed not to mention jealous.

Once I took a step back and observed both of the loves of my life interacting, playing, painting or whatever games they conjured up. Even though im left on the side line with a sulk on. It melted this shabby heart of mine.

There’s a reason why Tilly see’s my good lady as a better alternative when we’re all present. Its because a light bulb moment has occurred in Tilly’s 5 year old brain. She sees my good lady not as second mother, but as an ally. When the two of them are together, Tilly feels safer in numbers, and becomes more mischievous – not in a little shite kinda way although she now sees this as an opportunity to gang up on ole Daddy-o, because in her mind i’m now outnumbered.

Your child isn’t after replacing you,

or maybe they’re…

Whether it be Aunties, Uncles, Grandparents, friends of the family, etc. Non parents are a vital part in a child’s life. Not only for the interaction. But also they can give Mum/Dad a chance to break off for five minutes to regain focus, take a deep breath, grab a quick caffeine fix, do some chores or even sneak off for a hard drag on a nicotine stick – remember go down the bottom of the garden at all times think of the kiddies lungs.

When your child is interacting with the individuals who are present at that time. They are not only after some sort of stimulus and to make new allies, but to learn and play without the need for discipline from their MA and PA.

Remember non parents aren’t the ones for setting the bar for rule and regulations and how to act accordingly.

That’s not their role. When you’re a parent that’s your responsibility.

Non parents are your child’s new companion, their new plaything, the new must have. And with knowing and understanding this. I no longer feel the need to feel jealous or feel as if i’m being pushed out of the picture, I always know I can get involved and can play too. But while they are busy I’m gonna pour myself another coffee.

HUG A HULK

Is your child acting up?

Are you about to lose your shite?

If so

Be the bigger person.

Be kind,

And

Remain being the adult in the situation at all times.

First things first;

NO SPANKING

NO SHOUTING

Be cool and in control for most of the time anyway.

(I say most, because somedays we lose our shit, that’s okay, we are only chimps after all)

Why though?

If shit hits the fan with you and your child, which it will. They will test you beyond belief.

And if you lose your cool – the road to recovery can be a long journey to get back to the main road. So stay neutral.

Your child needs someone who they can come to when feelings beyond there comprehension are abundant.

HUG A HULK

For those who don’t know who the Hulk is, firstly where have you been hiding? Have you been locked away in the basement or living the Amish way of life?

The Hulk, scientist Dr. Bruce Banner is an all round nice chap.

However, as soon as Banner becomes a little aggravated, a red mist descends upon this passive fellow and he transcends into one giant green meathead son of a bitch.

Your child is just like Banner.

Like Banner who’s superpower is fuelled by his uncontrollable rage.

Your lil legs will be happy until their uncontrollable laying dormant feelings erupt.

So how can we help?

Whilst being empathetic hug your over emotional Hulk.

Show your child that you love them, it doesnt have to be in some tree hugging hippy fucktarded way.

This will convey to your lil amigo that not only do you give a shit, but you’re their anchor in this chaotic fucked thing we call life.

After all you’re their safe space. Their light house to help navigate them and to keep them on track.

If you don’t help them, not only to become social, mannered and masters of their own feelings, then they will only turn into feral meanders.

FATHERS MATTER OR DO THEY?

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Of course Fathers matter.

However, society and the way in which the world operates, it conditions ol’ Pops to think his main purpose in life is to pull himself away from his family, feel unwanted and become just another number in the machines economic grind.

Well Daddy-o. As Bob Dylan once crankily sang “The times… they’re a changin”.
Forget what you’ve been taught. Your main responsibility is to be the best Father you never had and be just that to your little amigo.

I’m already doing a better job than my Dad ever did. I mean, after the first two weeks when my lil lass was born, I’d held Tilly more than he had ever held me.

He only went to the shop for a loaf of bread, and has never been seen again. Cheers Dad – see ya, mate.

“The nurturing abilities of fathers are seldom acknowledged, and even more rarely encouraged.” ~ Lawerence J. Cohen

Anyways, back to it.

To be totally honest, as strange as it may sound. I should thank my ex for calling it when we did. It makes me appreciate the time I have with my lil amigo.

I look after Tilly, unaided away from the comfort of her Mother as a safety net. It made me roll up my metaphorical sleeves and become more of an attentive, hands on Father.

You see, when the Lil lady was born, I assumed her Mother would know the ins, outs and the how-tos when raising a child. Come on, don’t judge, men ain’t trained for this shit.

Fuck my life how I was thrown arse first into the thunderdome. I wish now that I had read more of those parenting books.

Being a part time parent really put my shit into perspective. Making me realise of the possible damaging implications that it could cause to my Lil lass if I wasn’t about.

My Dad not being there over time to help muck in, well it fucked me up. But we’ll leave that for another blog, maybe.

Dads you need to be there, not only as someone who brings home the bacon, but gets down and hangs out, to be silly, who roughhouses, to play, who wrestles, who paints, draws, sings, dances, reads, be there to listen, to protect, to comfort, to offer advice, to teach, to guide, y’know – Parent.

What I’m getting at here is I think Men in general when it comes to parenting, leave the nurturing side to Mama, and take a step back. But in doing this we miss out.

So don’t take a step back, stay committed and keep the connection with your child.

Remember guys, you are a parent too!

And your child needs you. why should Mum have all of the fun?

KIDS ARE FOR LIFE NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS

Are you thinking about having kids?

Most people wait until they’re financially ready, some read copious amounts of books and
some people just take the plunge and dive right in at the deep end of the thunderdome. Mavericks!

Financially ready has its downfall, in theory it sounds like the best idea, however you’re probably gonna be fucked. Physically fucked, and remember you have a very demanding little dictator now to provide for, who is going to just keep getting more energetic by the second.

You can of course read all the books take all the antenatal classes listen to all the advice other parents can give you, it means jack shit.

How do you know if you’re making the right decision?

As you know it’s a big commitment. Whether you’re going to do the deed and create you own or adopt. It’s by far the most challenging, very rewarding (but did I mention challenging?) thing you’re going to do.
After all you’re raising a little human, who knows sweet FA.

So, how can you prepare for this? Well truthfully… you can’t. Sorry to be the bearer of shit news. By all means read every book, take all the classes, listen to the advice given to you at hand, and of course, don’t forget to have some cash flow, because these lil fekkars are money spending machines. But also remember, every baby is different, their own person/individual.

You can never be truly ready. Not by the material sense, but emotional sense. You must make sure you’re emotionally ready, get you shit in order first. Literally, handle your shit.
This new member of your humble abode will push you, drain you and break you down like a drill sergeant. If you’ve got some heavy emotional scars that you’re still running from, not to mention unfit to look after yourself, then you might want to give parenting a miss. After all it’s not only you who will suffer, but the child will to.

Focus on yourself.